Thursday, August 09, 2007

Back to Homeschooling - #4

Randi's Back to Homeschool week continues with:

Thursday, August 9---If I had only known...

This is a good topic. Although my answer will not be what you expect. It isn't a happy answer either, so you are forewarned. ;)

When I look back on my life as a mom, one of my biggest regrets (one of very few regrets, btw) has been that I did not homeschool for part of my kids' lives. I just started back again last year, with only Kela (my oldest), after taking about a three year break.

I got depressed.

I think I must have been pretty severely depressed. I do not like to even think about the years between weaning Faithy and getting pregnant for Raechel. Not to mention talk about them.

Nothing major happened in my life. But it was a whole whole bunch of non-major, yet difficult, things.

So I was depressed. I felt like the world's most worthless mother. I could not keep homeschooling my kids. I decided they should go to school (basically to get them away from the world's worst mother.)... I went back to college (I have never got a degree, even still), and I went back to work. I still had Faithy at home, so she went to daycare.

Talk about hurt. I have posted about it before.

If I had only known ... would I have changed what happened?

I think that things are the way they are. They happen for a reason. I think I had to grow.

And so, I would not change things. But my o my was it a hard way to grow.


What I did (basically tried to change who I was) and the result of my actions most definitely makes me appreciate my life more fully now than I ever could have done without experiencing how brutal life can feel. I know I am a better person now. Luckily for me, kids are very forgiving and loving. :)
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Monday, August 6---What led to your decision to homeschool?
Tuesday, August 7---How do you homeschool?
Wednesday, August 8---Getting out there...
Thursday, August 9---If I had only known...
Friday, August 10---Curriculum

6 comments:

  1. Wow, this is an interesting piece to the puzzle. I didn't know you had been through that. It sounds like you are a better person and mother for it, though. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. Well, I'm glad you wrote that because when I was depressed I always wondered if my children would be better off in school, but I didn't have the strength or the will to even start the process of enrolling them. I think the nature of depression is to feel horrible about yourself no matter what you do. I hope you're feeling better now.

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  3. Homeschooling isn't always easy for anyone. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  4. Jennifer, thank you. I am feeling good now. A lot of my problems stemmed from the fact that my dh was finished having kids at 3. But I have always wanted a LOT of kids, and so I got depressed. I suppose it was a silly reason to be so depressed, but first off: I could not help it, and second off: it sure did change my life for a while.

    When I got pregnant (quite by accident, I promise, as I was on the shot) it helped A LOT! :)

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  5. I just stumbled upon your blog. I love your header. Adorable!

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  6. Wow. Just wow.
    I figured I'd come over here and stalk your blog for awhile. LOL!

    I did almost the exact same thing. Had a horrible bout of depression that almost killed me. Seriously, I alllllmoooost committed suicide.

    Put the kids in school,started therapy. I first got a CNA but ended up working in a library. It was great for awhile, money, a job, nice clothes, kids were in school doing fine, making friends. There was definate darkside to that lifestyle though too. I was losing my children, a little bit, day by day.

    I think depression among homeschool mums is a bigger issue than some think. It didn't help that I was in a cult that thought that therapy and drugs were of the devil. grrrrrrr.

    Ok, enough blahblahblah, off to read some more about you!
    Don't worry, I don't know where you leave either. ;)

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